Jessica Willis Fisher is boldly speaking her truth in her new memoir, Unspeakable: Surviving My Childhood and Finding My Voice, out now. The singer shares, in brave detail, the story of her tragic and complicated childhood, the oldest of 12 children in the Willis Clan, a talented family band, led by her parents, Toby and Brenda Willis. The group disbanded when her father was charged with sexually abusing his children, later pleading guilty to four counts of child rape.

While Unspeakable might seem like a tragic tale — and in many ways it is — it’s also a story of resilience, and how Fisher’s bravery, against seemingly insurmountable odds, gave her siblings freedom, and her father a future behind bars.

Fisher admits telling her story in Unspeakable was painful, but also necessary, both for her and all of the other victims of sexual abuse.

“Growing up, there were a lot of negative things that should have never been normalized, that were normalized,” Fisher reflects to Everything Nash. “But now I’m normalizing health, I’m normalizing the ability to claim my story, talk about it. This isn’t the first time I’ve ever recounted this, and it’s coming out on the pages. This is a lot of work, a lot of processing, even research that went into the book.”

Although Fisher was thinking of all of the others who experienced what she and her siblings experienced at the hand of her father, her biggest and most compelling reason for writing Unspeakable was herself.

“I would say for me, in my opinion, and in my experience, doing things for others first hasn’t been the right move for me,” Fisher concedes. “I even feel like there were many times when I was worried about trying to protect someone else in my family or trying to make someone else happy. I talk about in the book moments where we’re performing and making all these people smile and have a great time, but I’m dying inside.  I was very much aware that that was not a healthy way to live, and I knew I was living the extreme version of that. I had put off what I needed for way too long. That immediately became the priority, and it felt like going into the emergency room of life. Everything needed to stop.”

It was while Fisher emerged from what she calls her emergency room of life that the idea for Unspeakable began, as she realized her story could impact others as well.

“I started going again, ‘What does it mean to live a purposeful life for me from here? What do I really believe in? What am I going to put my blood, sweat and tears on the line for?'” Fisher shares. “I know I can work hard. I know I can survive a lot, but just suffering for the point of suffering doesn’t make any sense. Looking at what cards I was holding and not being afraid of saying, ‘I get to play the hell out of this hand. I didn’t choose so many things, but I choose from here on out.’ That’s where I felt the bravery was coming. So many parts of the story,  living through it did not feel brave, did not feel victorious, did not feel courageous. It just felt like survival. And it’s only now that I have a real sense of meaning. I feel more in control of my story than ever … I can’t change what’s come before. I accept that, and then I move forward. It’s been a really empowering thing to write this book.”

Fisher has 11 siblings who also had a tragic childhood, but she makes it clear that Unspeakable is her story, and her story alone.

“Their stories are very different, and I want to hold space for the different choices that they have made,” Fisher says. “Some of my siblings decided to talk a bit about their stories earlier on, and I was not in a place where I wanted to do that. I was still in that emergency room mode. This is me coming to a place where I now would like to talk about certain things, and as much as possible, I want to respect their space and their different stories, and just not speak for them in general. If I’m speaking for my viewpoint towards them, I love all of them. I am so happy and grateful for every chance that I get to cheer them on in their various lives.”

Fisher released her first album as a solo artist, Brand New Day, earlier this year. Fisher worked on the record while also working on her memoir, finding healing in creating both at the same time.

“It was the best thing ever because as things came up for me, I’m still actively processing my story and doing therapy and continuing to make sense of all of this,” Fisher acknowledges. “And so things either went straight into the music or straight into the book. They happened behind the scenes at the same time … Music ended up going first and instead of being mad about it not going a different way, I’ve just really embraced that. I’ve just accepted that that was how it was supposed to happen, and it feels very right.”

Fisher poured her heart and soul into Unspeakable, finding relief in speaking her truth. With the writing of the book now behind her, Fisher is aware that, in many ways, the real work now begins.

“I’m really good. I’m really excited,” she says. “We are very much in the current now. There’s a lot of momentum, and it’s scary and exciting. I’m very ready.”

Unspeakable: Surviving My Childhood and Finding My Voice and Brand New Day can both be found at JessicaWillisFisher.com.

Photo Credit: Courtesy of Monarch Publicity / Sean Fisher